Autopsy the Clown – Good Clown Gone Bad

Ahh, the fine art of twisting balloons into objects such as cute little animals or into funny hats or even cool vehicles. I remember when I first became a clown and was working a birthday party for this little boy and I was sitting in a chair with about 15-20 kids sitting on the floor next to me and they were watching in amazement as I was blowing up balloons and twisting them into pink flamingos and little white puppy dogs for them. Their little faces were lit up with happiness and joy as their smiles stretched from ear to ear as I was handing them out to them. At that moment I remember thinking to myself “Autopsy, the joy your bringing to these kids through the simple art of twisting balloons is why you became a clown” and at that moment I nodded with approval thinking how fun this shit was. That day seems like an eternity ago and that’s because it was. These days, there is only one thing I hate more then kids and that’s twisting balloons into cute animals. I mean how many times can you turn a regular old balloon into a giraffe or something?  It gets old fast and sooner or later your going to lose your mind and that’s exactly what happened to me.

I was working this birthday party out in Long Island and it was for this rich ass family who had this huge ass house. The husband worked on Wall Street or the NYSE. Anyways it was a beautiful day, I was sitting by the pool with the kids and of course they wanted me to twist balloons for them. I didn’t want to but I had a flask full of whiskey on me and I was well on my way to being shitfaced so I figured why the hell not? As I was twisting balloons for the little rich brats, I saw the mother walking out from the house down towards the pool. She was a piece of ass…tall, slender, blond with a great set of fake tits. It’s almost as if me and her we’re the only 2 people at the party as I stared directly at her as she strolled towards my direction. She walked right up to me, kneeled down & rested her hand on my knee then started to say something. I didn’t hear a damn word she said as my eyes we’re fixated on her luscious lips. Finally after being lost in her eyes I heard these little brats crying their eyes out and at that moment I snapped out of my trance. I looked up at the mother who at that point was flipping out on me. I didn’t know what the hell was going on. Kids we’re crying, the mother was screaming & cussing me out while the other parents began running over to us to see what on earth had happened. As I stood up the mother shouted out to me “Get your shit and get the hell outta here you sick bastard!!!”    Me?  sick bastard?  Well yeah but what did I do to warrant this name calling now and as I bent down to grab my flask that was sitting next to my chair, I found out why I was being called those names. The balloon I was twisting….

You see what had happened, I was twisting balloons for the kids and as the hot mother with the big boobies was approaching me, I lost focus on twisting the balloon that was suppose to be an llama or some weird animal. I was so fixated on the hot mom  all my brain could compute was me banging this hot ass mother with the big fake breasts which translated into me twisting a balloon of exactly what I wanted to do to her. Anyways, the kids we’re confused and the parents we’re outraged. Needless to say the cops we’re called and I was escorted off of the property and I’m no longer allowed to perform in that town but something good did come out of it all and that was X-Rated Balloon Twisting!  I have rediscovered a true love of mine thanks to that hot ass milf in Long Island!