My Code of Ethics
Last modified: November 8, 20091. I will always keep my acts, performance and behavior in bad taste while I am in costume and makeup. I will act lewd, crude & rude with every opportunity that presents itself. I’ll always make fun of people at their expense or embarrassment of others & never myself.
2. I understand that children are just kids but in a world where we are taught to treat everyone equal, I pledge to treat the kids as if they are adults. Therefore, I will swear in front of them, drink alcohol, do drugs and promote violence. I mean after all, they are our future right?
3. By following the 2nd rule, I understand that some parents will not be happy when I treat their kids like shit and expose them to the dirty little secrets of the world we live in therefore any father who gets pissed and steps up to me is going to get a nail gun pressed against their forehead & will end up severely beaten and bruised when all is said and done. Now if daddy isn’t there and the mother gets pissed off well then I’m going to have to put her over my knee and give her a good spanking on her fanny which might lead to her wanting more which I have no control over.
4. If your hosting a party and there is alcohol being served then you better be aware that I will be drinking. If you hosting a party and someone has drugs on them then you better be aware that I will be smoking or snorting. If there isn’t alcohol or drugs at the party then let me know upon booking me so I can bring my own.
5. I like to provide an atmosphere where sexual harassment or discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, disability or any protected status is allowed.It’s a free country, hate who you want. Who am I to stop ya?
6. If you do not have money then we can barter. Things I will except in a barter in place of money is sexy time with your wife or girlfriend. I will also except drugs or alcohol.
7. I will always apply my clown makeup with pride and dignity. Most importantly I will always apply my clown makeup just like Buffalo Bill did in the Silence of the Lambs as I listen to “Goodbye Horses by Q Lazarus” all while tucking my junk!
8. I will always dress in designer clown clothes such as Calvin Clown, Tommy Clownfiger, Clownatella Versace and Dolce & Clownbana.
9. I will carry out my appearance and assignment strictly for personal gain and/or personal publicity.
10. If you booked me & signed the contract then you cannot sue me under any circumstances. You are 100% liable for any damage, destruction or bloodshed caused by me. If you missed that part in the contract then tough shit because it’s all there in invisble ink.
